by Jill | Aug 28, 2020 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, Coping with Burnout, Counseling Ethics, Counseling Supervision, crisis intervention, Faith, fears, Finding Peace, mental health, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Ethics, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, relaxation, self care, self esteem, self help, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Wow, What a year 2020 is turning out to be. So many ups and downs in the world, our country, our families and our emotions.
Between juggling the changes I’ve made due to COVID19 both in business, with clients and my own family it certainly is an emotional roller coaster. I feels like finding sanity and peace are so far away some days. I could make a list of “how to’s” to self care, or “how to parent during a pandemic” or “how to keep from going insane with all the cancellations and changes.” But it just doesn’t seem to say enough to me. I have found myself making changes I’ve never thought I’d face. From cleaning, to masking, from the telehealth maze there are so many shifts.
If you’re like me you started off hopeful that we could get through this, and there are many days I feel that way. It’s like I am choosing between being grateful and finding purpose in the problem and feeling anger, sadness and fear over seeing my clients, supervises and loved ones try to shift their own priorities and face layoffs, office closures and health issues.
What really has helped me to move through this without completely losing my mind (most days) are my faith, my friends, my family and taking each day and each issue one at the time, and yes seeking out my own therapy.
Most people know me know that I’m pretty open about the fact that as a therapist I find it crucial to go through my own therapy from time to time. It helps relieve burnout, compassion fatigue and also manage the difficult emotions that sometimes occur when faced with the reality of the trauma my clients face. And at the end of the day I feel like I’m asking others to engage in therapy so why not myself?
I will never forget when I was a newer therapist being encouraged to start attending myself. I am thankful for that nudge. There is no shame, no guilt and no it does not mean you are weak if you ask for help.
If you are struggling right now I encourage you to find support for yourself. Here are some signs that you may need to seek your own therapeutic support:
Common signs of chronic stress:
- irritable/angry, nervous/anxious, lack of interest/motivation, fatigue, overwhelmed, depressed/sad
- Feeling lack of control, guilt,
- Constant thoughts of a situation that won’t go away
- Withdrawing from others
- Tearfulness
- Not participating in enjoyable activities
- Finding it difficult to relax
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by Jill | Jul 20, 2020 | Child Counseling, Child Therapy, children, children self help, continuing education, counseling, divorce, family therapy, parenting, parents, Play Therapy, play therpay
What to Expect From Your Play Therapist if You’re Getting a Divorce
One of the most challenging issues a family can face is divorce. It affects everyone involved in some way. Children, parents, extended family, and others close to the situation. It can also be one of the most challenging and complex cases I can treat in play therapy. Emotions are high, changes are happening, and there are a lot of unknown factors. On a practical level, counseling for everyone involved is recommended.
So, if you, as a parent are going through a divorce, have been through a divorce, or planning on getting one, here are some ways to make your child gets the most benefit from play therapy and to assist your child in coping with the changes that are happening in your family and also what roles I can and cannot play as a child therapist.
Remember I’m there to treat your child, and am neutral when it comes to parental conflicts.
Understand that I will not be able to fix your marriage.
I cannot determine custody of your children.
Custody evaluation is a separate role from therapy, and there are mental health professionals, primarily psychologists, that specialize in this area.
Don’t involve me in your court issues.
It is paramount that I be able to maintain your child’s confidentiality and a neutral safe space for them to process their emotions. This is a traumatic time for them, and involving me in court will often require that I break that confidentiality and it always affect my therapeutic relationship with your child.
Give your child space for their own processing.
Your child will love both of you.
Both parents should participate in the therapy process in some way, taking turns to bring your child to therapy or coming together with them shows that you are supporting their journey through this process.
Participate in your own therapy.
This is a stressful and highly emotional time for everyone and I want you to take care of yourself as much as I want your child to get through this change as healthy as possible.
Keep children out of adult conflicts.
This includes parenting disagreements, knowledge about court proceedings over their developmental level, questioning your child about the other parent, or other situations where it puts your child in a no-win situation.
If your child is upset or emotional, listen, empathize and allow for open expression of feelings even if it is difficult for you.
Don’t blame, complain, or vent about your ex- or soon to be ex-spouse in front of your child.
Be honest with your child: tell them what they need to know, when a change is occurring
It is ok to say “I don’t know,” or “let me think about my answer” to questions children may have for which you yourself are uncertain.
Be prepared for children to have various emotions.
Maintain a predictable routine as much as possible
Maintain your parenting limits and boundaries.
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by Jill | Aug 12, 2019 | Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, Child Counseling, Child Therapy, continuing education, Coping with Burnout, counseling, Finding Peace, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy
“Accepting the presence of compassion fatigue in your life only serves to validate the fact that you are a deeply caring individual. Somewhere along your healing path, the truth will present itself: You don’t have to make a choice. It is possible to practice healthy, ongoing self-care while successfully continuing to care for others.”
Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©(2017)
Man, I had a tough week last week. Do you ever have one of those? Most of us do. Counseling can be a rewarding job, you have the privilege to see people through some of their most difficult points in life and the come out the other side better than they were before. But, sometimes you have just one of those weeks, or days or cases that gets to you for one reason or another.
Child therapy especially, in my opinion bring another level of emotional challenge. You see children through abuse, neglect, and often changes in their lives that they have no control over. They are dependant on the adults in their lives to be safe, and there are some fantastic parents out there, but home is not always a safe or stable place for children. Witnessing that day in day out can lead to disillusionment and frustration with environmental factors. It can be easy to lose home for a moment, and forget that there is hope out there, there are safe places, there are puppies and rainbows, there are caring people out there.
It’s natural and human for us as counselors to have emotions about our cases and to sometimes see others’ pain as our own. (See Dr. Sood’s Video on emotions and the brain here). We have the unique position of holding others’ pain while at the same time being responsible for managing the challenges, hurts and trials of our own lives. Sometimes we can experience compassion fatigue. When we do, we should be accepting of where we are. Is it worth the challenge? You tell me in the comments below.
For Mental Health Professionals Working Towards Becoming a Registered Play Therapist or a Licensed Professional Counselor
For Mental Health Professionals Looking for Continuing Eduaction Training
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by Jill | May 25, 2019 | Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, changes, Counseling Supervision, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, small business, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Grateful
March of this year I finally took the plunge into independent private practice. Plunge may be the wrong word, because while it may have felt like that when I made the difficult decision to leave my job of 7 years to pursue the next phase of my career it really didn’t happen all at once. It happened over time, with small decisions and guideposts along the journey.
I have had many supporters, including colleagues, friends, family, mentors and coaches. I wasn’t alone, and I’m thankful. Thankful for those that helped me along the way, Thankful for the flood of new opportunities God has opened up for me since I let go of the past and began looking forward. Thankful for the past experiences that have shaped me, both exciting and sometimes challenging.
It all comes together in the end and prepares me for the new phase. There were many things I wasn’t sure of, will it work, will I fail? what if I leave and I don’t get enough work? What if I make mistakes? How will it look? But now, I’m grateful. Now I’m free to focus more on the things I love, more supervision, more opportunities to see other therapists pursue their goals of being play therapists and counselors. More opportunities to see families heal from challenging situations.
If you are in the middle of a shift in your career, either pursuing licensure, private practice, certification, or other goals you may be wondering some of the same things, have some of the same fears. You are not alone. You will figure it out, and it will be worth it. Grateful.
Are you looking to pursue licensure as a professional counselor in Georgia? or to become a Registered Play Therapist through the Association for Play Therapy?
Ready to Work With Me?
If you are ready to start your journey contact me today for an appointment.
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by Jill | Feb 3, 2019 | Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, changes, Coping with Burnout, Finding Peace, mental health business, Play Therapy, small business, stress management, Therapist Self Care, Uncertainty
Courageous behavior or character
Google Dictionary
2019 is a Brave year for me. I am saying goodbye to some old things and beginning lots of new things. Sometimes these changes are difficult in our field of counseling because sometimes our life changes affects the lives of the clients we see.
It’s scary, I know. Change. Uncertainty. What’s next? You may be asking yourself if you are ready to start the new job, work towards your Registered Play Therapy Credential, or leave a steady paycheck for private practice.
There are many feelings you can have when you’re making these sort of changes, fear, excitement, sadness, happiness, anxiety, and joy all rolled into one, or at different points along the journey. It’s never easy. But I find that it’s worth the challenge. It stretches me as a therapist and as a person. It sifts out the parts of me that need to leave and brings to the surface what I’m made of.
It grounds me, and my roots into my faith and values grow deeper and I grow closer to whom I believe God as asking me to be in this world.
So what do you do when you’re juggling all the changes so that you don’t feel like you’re going to lose your mind? Here are a few things that have helped me.
- Ask for Help.
- Be extra intentional about scheduling time for recreation and family bonding.
- Partner with a friend/colleague that you can bounce things off of or call and unwind with.
- Journal.
- For me, staying consistent with my faith practices (prayer, reading spiritual books, etc..)
- Remind yourself that you’re not alone and that your feelings are normal.
- Seek your own therapy if needed.
Whatever you are Braving this year I hope you have Courage, to push through the fear, past the uncertainty, and into the new things this year will bring.
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by Jill | Jan 7, 2019 | Burnout prevention, changes, Counseling Supervision, Finding Peace, mental health, mental health business, New Years Goals, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, self care, stress management, Therapist Self Care, Uncertainty
With the new year comes a lot of self reflection, goals setting, and often setting the tone and refresh on the year to come. I found myself looking over 2018 and all the things that have changed, both disappointments and accomplishments. I made it a point after the holiday craziness to just push pause on some of that and refresh myself, breath, and gain clarity for the year ahead.
There are a few things I learned reflecting on this year, and I hope they can help you too, on your journey whether it’s personal, healing from a traumatic experience, taking the next steps in your career or completing licensure or certification requirements.
- The disappointments and trials of the past year can be guideposts to the next steps to reach your goals.
- The accomplishments can the momentum that keeps it going,
- Growth doesn’t happen on its own, growth comes from taking each thing that comes along step by step.
- The most difficult decisions I sometimes make are not between a yes and a no, but from a yes and a better yes (Thanks to the Best Yes by Lysa Terkerurst).
- Sometimes I am looking for the perfect timing, perfect final product, perfect you name it to let go of what is holding you back, when you actually need to let go and make space for the next thing.
- Take time to breath, clear your head, journal, pray, or be around supportive people who love you will go a long way in helping you to clarify your goals and refresh you when you’ve been grinding for too long.
- Remember your roots. I have a deep faith in God, and have for a long time in my life, and I have leaned on it time and again to help keep me focused, grounded, and energized as I move forward.
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by Jill | Nov 6, 2018 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, changes, Counseling Supervision, Finding Peace, mental health, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Find our souls
Today is…Gratitude day. This has been the hardest year of my life. I have never worked harder, prayed more, felt more, etc… the last year and a half. there where some family and financial challenges that I didn’t see coming, and also doors God opened for me that have been both exciting and inspired me to look myself in the mirror and really start focusing in on what I believe God has called me to do, and who I believe God really wants me to be in this life. I had to ask myself and challenge myself to continue living in integrity and professionalism in the face of disappointments and setbacks. I’ve had to make some tough choices for my family and it hasn’t been easy.
It’s difficult in the beginning, when you’ve faced disappointment, humiliation and hurt to see what those disappointing situations are doing for you in your life. It’s easy to crawl into a hole and want to stay stuck in an attitude of anxiety, bitterness and anger if you’re not paying attention. Of course I have days where I feel all those things, grief, sadness, and stress. But, then when I have that brief moment of fresh perspective and am able to look back at how those challenges are helping to shape me into a better version of myself I start to feel Grateful. Grateful for the privilege to grow, and learn about myself. Grateful for provision in tough times. Grateful for the supports in my life that help me through those tough situations.
For many, who are facing trauma, grief, and general life challenges, this is not an easy place to get to. It takes talking with people who are empathetic, friends, family or a counselor that understands. It takes focused prayer and (for me) lots of journal writing and tears to get there. But that I can see how I am stronger, more focused and more determined than at many other points in life, I am thankful for the challenges.
We want our lives to be challenge free, hurt free. We want our courses in life, whether you are pursuing your counseling career, trying to have children, grow a business, or heal from a hurtful situation to be smooth and easy. However, the truth of that matter is that setbacks and hurts are going to happen. They try to throw us off course and off our purpose in this world, or make that purpose a little less clear for a while. But in the end, they help build us, grow our faith and purpose as counselors, as people.
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by Jill | Sep 6, 2018 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, Child Counseling, Child Therapy, Coping with Burnout, Counseling Ethics, Counseling Supervision, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, ptsd treatments, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Burnout prevention
Most of the time I thrive on challenging cases. Give me a traumatized child or a female fleeing a case of domestic abuse and I’m your therapist. I don’t know what it is, I do really well with long term, hard cases. The blessing here is that I’ve found a niche that I thrive in, but I have learned in my experience that I have to mix up they type of cases I work with, some worried well here, anxiety here, mixed in with supervising new counselors and play therapist.
Lately I’ve noticed I’ve had multiple challenging cases especially those that have to do with children and familieis who are in the middle of a crisis. I found myself today feeling emotional and irritated, and I was worried about a lot of things. When I start to feel this way I know these are signs that I have too many trauma cases, or complicated cases and it’s time to readjust somewhere.
Stress like this in the short term is to be expected, especially when you are in the counseling field, and can even be a motivator to get things done, but I’ve learned to be aware of it and take some steps to care for myself before it becomes a constant problem.
Stress is a normal part of every day life, and that if I take steps to manage it, and sometimes even make friends with it, I can lead a productive and fulfilling life. Stress is the “fight or flight” response in your brain that is there to help keep you safe in dangerous, or perceived danger. Our goal is not to complete be free of stress (that would be impossible) but to manage it and use it to our advantage.
Stress in small doses can be helpful, in fact according to healthguidance.org, some research appears to show that students can improve on their exams if they are experiencing stress in small doses.
It Can:
- Give energy and motivation to complete a task.
- Help to conquer a fear.
- Help have short term energy.
- Help avoid an immediate situation.
- It can help you avoid an unsafe situation.
- It can help you focus on something you have to get done.
The problem is not short term stress, stress is meant to deal with a perceived unsafe situation and then we go back to logical, rational thinking rather than survival mode. The problem is when stress occurs and builds over time.
When I was a new counselor in training I was working in the mental health field while simultaneously going through my counseling internship. I was probably working about 60 hours a week, half at my Day Treatment Job and the other half at the domestic violence shelter where I interned. During that time, and due to some circumstances at my agency that were outside my control and also trying to balance my personal struggles of dealing with overwork, I began feeling guilt about the the circumstances I was in. This turned into lack of sleep and difficulty getting a client situation out of my head.
At the time as a newer professional I didn’t know I was experiencing signs of the over stress or what to do about it. It wasn’t until a supervisor at the internship sat me down and said to me that she noticed that I was over stress, and that I should go to my own therapy during this process. I am super thankful for that. It was one of the best decisions I made to take care of myself. It helped me to overcome fear and self doubt, and to deal with the challenging circumstances I was facing at the time.
I can’t say that I’ve never had periods of feeling stressed or overworked, because I have, but the difference now is that I know what to do to take care of myself and I’m not ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know if I knew at the time what a gift it was to be told to ask for help.
I share this because overstress over time can have effects on the counselor and counseling relationship, but I believe there is hope if we know when to ask for help, or if we notice a colleague having some challenges with overstress we know how to support them.
Some of the effects on the counselor can include: depression, insomnia and withdrawal from others to start (this is not and exhaustive list) and on the counseling relationship: diminished empathy, respect or positive feelings for clients and becoming unresponsive to clients needs.
I believe she should be aware of these feelings in ourselves, but I don’t think it is something to feel ashamed or guilty about.
To quote the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project:
“Accepting the presence of compassion fatigue in your life only serves to validate the fact that you are a deeply caring individual. Somewhere along your healing path, the truth will present itself: You don’t have to make a choice. It is possible to practice healthy, ongoing self-care while successfully continuing to care for others.”
Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project ©(2017)
www.compassionfatigue.org
So what do you do to combat overstress in our field?
- Self monitoring, and develop self-awareness
- Obtaining supervision and consultation
- Intervention and support of colleagues
- Training staff on effects of burnout/secondary trauma
- Have debriefings for coworkers/staff if dealing with particularly difficult cases
You are not alone. There is a profession full of caring and supportive people that are here for you.
If you are looking for supervision and/or consultation or even therapy for support during your own journey, reach out.
So what do you do when you’re overstressed?
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by Jill | Jul 22, 2018 | Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Child Counseling, Counseling Supervision, Licensed Professional Counselor Application Process, mental health business, Play Therapy Ethics, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice
I live in Georgia and recently there have been some rules/requirements changed in our state for those applying for their Licensed Professional Counselor license. I remember as an early counselor in training, even starting as an undergraduate I was fortunate to have professors and supervisors who prepared me for many of the hurdles of what lies ahead. One thing I can say, is that it is an always changing discipline in some ways, evolving with the needs of the public, culture, and as we learn and grow as professionals.
Unfortunately I’ve seen too many new counselors in training in my career blindly following what they think they know from hearsay, not reading or staying up to date for themselves, or believing they don’t have time or money to put into the supervision and training requirements. This can lead to more time, money and paperwork than necessary when pursuing your Professional Counseling or other license type.
I do as much as I can to encourage my supervisees and other new mental health professionals starting out to do their own homework and keep up with current changes and trends in the field. That doesn’t mean I don’t do my best to guide and assist them on their journey, quite the contrary. But I do believe it is a collaborative effort and level of responsibility on both ends of the couch so to speak when it comes to completing the licensure process.
I do that because knowledge is power. Power to pursue your career. Your license is your ticket to the career you’re pursuing to independence in your livelihood.
At the end of the day it’s yours, you guard it with everything you can.
Are there hurdles? Yes.
Is it a challenge? Yes.
Is it easy? No way.
But at the end of the day lives will be helped, families will be restored and abused children will have one more caring adult they can trust in their life. It’s worth the challenge. Make it your own.
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