I love using Sandtray Therapy with my clients. I learned about sandtray therapy as a graduate student during my internship with domestic violence victims. I find that most of my clients (even adults!) are drawn to it, and it fascinates me every time to see how it brings out issues that many people were not aware before how much it impacted them. I wanted to introduce you to my colleague, Amy Flaherty to give you an introduction to what sandtray therapy is, how to learn the process of sandtray therapy, and what to ask for if you are a parent of a child looking for more information, or an adult seeking therapy.
Tell Us About Yourself
My name is Amy Flaherty and I’m a Licensed Psychological Examiner-Independent in Northeast Arkansas. I have an unusual license through the psychology board in Arkansas that allows me do both psychological testing and counseling. I’m also a Registered Play Therapist. I have been in private practice at True Hope Counseling since 2007. My ideal clients are kids, teens, and those who feel alone and without hope. My passion, far and away, is sandtray therapy.
How did you find out about sand tray therapy?
I fell in love with sandtray therapy when I did my first training several years ago. I had a weekend where I had to take an introduction to sandtray course as part of my training to be a play therapist. This was my “road to Damascus” moment. After doing this training, I KNEW I found the tool I had been looking forward to access that stuff with clients that you just can’t get with words- the early trauma or subconscious material that runs our lives, both as kids and as adults.
What is sandtray therapy?
Sandtray therapy is a way of working with your whole brain using the tools of sand and miniatures. It’s fun, easy to do, and non-threatening but oh so powerful. The instructions are to place the miniatures (which are just small items- anything in the world from houses to jewels) in the sand to represent your world as the client. With little ones, they do this without instruction because they have the natural protection of the umbrella of play. Kids gravitate towards the sand almost every session and adults find it is a way to access feelings and thoughts they were not able to put into words previously.
Who is it for? What problems does it treat?
Sandtray therapy is for every age. The beauty is that it will work with a three year old and a ninety three year old.
The brain will get accomplish what it needs through the tools of the sand and miniatures and the safe environment the therapist provides. It has been shown to be effective with a wide range of diagnoses and issues, from learning problems and behavior difficulties to dementia.
What happens during a sandtray therapy session?
Sandtray sessions look very different with different ages. With children who have not developed abstract thought yet, they play in the sand and tell stories about what is happening, which may or not be related to what is literally happening in their world. It may look on the outside that the child is “just playing” but the brain is working hard to integrate all of the feelings and thoughts that are coming together through the story telling in the sand tray. All of the five senses are used which promotes integration of the brain. The more integration you get the higher level of insight, morality, and empathy. My job in the sandtray session with a child is to reflect what is happening in the sandtray and hold the safe space so that whatever comes out in the sandtray is understood and validated.
With teenagers and adults, the sandtray process tends to be much more static. When they are directed to make a tray representing their world, they will place objects representing parts of their life, both real and metaphorical. For example, the miniature of the two-faced man may represent an ex-husband or a boss.
Through the making of the tray and the use of their hands, the right brain is accessed, which is the part of the brain where our feelings, emotions, early memories and trauma lie. Through the processing or telling the story of the sandtray, the client is able to access those parts of the right brain that may have not been assessable just through talk therapy. The interweaving of both parts of the brain is the power behind the sandtray. I’ve seen one sandtray session equal three to four regular talk therapy session in terms of progress for the client.
What does brain integration mean?
Brain integration happens when the different parts of the brain are all used at the same time. Before the brain is integrated, the different parts of the brain are all doing their assigned functions without really communicating with each other. When the whole brain communicates, then integration occurs. The more information that is shared between the different parts of the brain, the greater the integration. The greater the integration, the greater the chance for the higher level skills to develop, such as empathy, insight and morality. Before the brain is able to integrate through methods such as sandtray, it is like putting together a puzzle with only half of the picture available. You can put the puzzle together, but only with the parts that you have available
How do you explain sandtray therapy to parents? To your clients?
With parents or clients who may be skeptical of sandtray, I explain it in terms of neuroscience- how using objects can help us access parts of our stories that we may not be aware of or just aren’t ready to face. I explain that it is a tool that also helps me as a therapist to more fully understand the client’s world and gain a better perspective on how I can help.
For children, very little explanation is needed. They usually just say, “Sand!” and start putting miniatures in the sand tray.
Are there special training or certification a sand tray therapist goes through?
Currently, no special certifications are legally required to do sandtray therapy. In spite of this, it is only ethical to use techniques and tools we have been trained in as therapists. I recommend at least a two day experiential training in sandtray to obtain a good understanding of not only the what of sandtray but really the WHY as well. I’ve seen the power of sandtray be able to heal others; however, its power can also be dangerous if not used properly. I’ve heard stories from other therapists of those who have actually caused harm and even suicidal behaviors from not understanding the power of the sandtray. Some things are repressed because they are scary, so once the sandtray reveals these, we as therapists need to be able to handle what comes up through the sandtray.
To help with training therapists in the sandtray method with quality, brain-informed trainings, I am launching a new training program, the Southern Sandtray Institute. Trainings will be conducted in a step-up format ensuring that the basics are learned well before advanced content is given. The certification of Registered Integrative Sandtray Therapist (RIST) will also be provided to those who choose to do advanced trainings and individual case consultations.
If I’m a parent of a child or a potential client interested in sand tray How do I find a counselor who does that?
If you are interested in your child using sandtray therapy, look for a play therapist. Almost all play therapists use sandtray therapy in their work. If you are an adult or teenager looking for a therapist who uses sandtray, ask any potential therapists if they use any experiential therapies. Most therapists who are into sandtray will have this featured on their website. Most who do one training fall in the love with the method and will feature it as a specialized technique.
For More Information about Amy and her Counseling Services Visit True Hope Counseling
Amy is launching a new sandtray training company coming October 8, 2014. For more information about training visit Southern Sandtray I can’t wait to see it!
What’s your experience with sandtray therapy? Tell about your experience in the comments below ↓
We all hear about self-care. As moms, therapists, and people going through the hustle of every day life. I have found myself thinking about it a lot lately, and I know that when I miss things, like going to church or socializing with other adults I notice I am not as focused as I usually am when faced with some of the daily challenges of being a parent (meltdowns, fussy babies, you know the real fun stuff).
So, What is it that you do to refocus and unwind?
Answer in the Comments below, and get the self-care conversation going. Thank you!
Here lately the practice of self care has been on my mind and a focus for me. It’s been especially important recently with a newborn, a 5 year old, a career, and a husband in school. My life is pretty crazy and I can easily get frazzled and worn out if I let it.
To be honest there are days where I struggle to balance my own needs with the needs of others in my life, especially when it involves my kids and my clients. Self care is talked about frequently between myself and my colleagues, and there are even whole professional workshops on it! The following are things that I do to helps me to practice self care and I hope it will give you some encouragement to take care of yourself as well.
1. Journal.
I was struggling to find time to journal so I downloaded a free journaling app on m iPad which helps me since I’m usually using my iPad anyway (especially when nursing my daughter). Journaling helps me to process my day, what I’m feeling, and areas I struggle with. I use “My Wonderful Days lite.”
2. Read a day to day devotional.
I love in depth, deep devotionals I can dive into, but I don’t always have the time to spend on them so I use a day to day devotional for times where I’m needing to spend prayer/devotional time but I don’t have a lot of time by myself.
3. Ask for help when I need it.
This one is especially difficult for me because I’m an independent person and I’m so used to helping others and doing things myself. But I find that delegating and knowing my limits help ease the pressure.
4. Seek out social interaction.
Social media is great and there are many ways to connect with people via Facebook, twitter, google+ or the social media platform of your choice. However, they cannot replace face to face interaction with people in real life. This can be through church, professional associations, or just calling up a friend to chat and meet for lunch.
5. Set realistic goals for yourself.
When I get overwhelmed I tend to want everything done right now! (Like, I need to clean my house!). but I find when I break it down into smaller steps (My goal today is to finish the dishes) I feel much more accomplished and can focus on one thing at a time.
6. Take time to sit down and unwind, even if it’s only 5 minutes.
I find after a long day of seeing clients, or even days I’m home with my children that taking time to wind down by sitting in my favorite chair, drinking a glass of water or herbal tea (my favorite is tranquil dreams from Teavana) it helps me to sleep better and get re-focused.
These are just a few ways I practice self care in my life. If you have your own tips, please join the conversation and leave a comment below. Let’s support each other on our journey of self care.
32 That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. 33 The whole town gathered at the door, 34 and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.
35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
My Supervisor and mentor, Judy Todd died last Saturday from Pancreatic cancer. It was pretty sudden, and I am still managing the grief. I am going to post her picture for today to remember her and all the children and budding therapists that she has helped.
I recently experienced the death of a supervisor that I respect and care about a lot. I never thought that when I walked into Haven House as a counseling intern that it would lead to a successful career of helping and caring for hurting children. I feel sad about the loss, and find myself experiencing similar feelings of grief that I help my clients work through every day. Grief doesn’t feel good. It’s many feelings rolled into one. It’s a process that i know if I ignore it will leave me stuck.
It has me asking questions that many people ask. For example, a friend of mine posted on Facebook the other day about why a God that is good and loving allows troubles in our lives and in the world. Why did a wonderful lady like my supervisor go through the pain, suffering and death that she did? Why, did a God with unlimited power to heal her illness allow her to die when she did? There are so many different answers one can get from that question. Why?
While I will not know the complete answer to the question about why do people hurt, experience pain and evil in the world, I can go to the words of Jesus for comfort.
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?”he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
“So, Jeremiah, if you’re worn out in this footrace with men,what makes you think you can race against horses?And if you can’t keep your wits during times of calm,what’s going to happen when troubles break loose like the Jordan in flood?Those closest to you, your own brothers and cousins,are working against you.They’re out to get you. They’ll stop at nothing.Don’t trust them, especially when they’re smiling.John 16:33
What are some reasons you think kids use the Internet to bully other kids?
There are two main reasons why cyber bullying is so prevalent.
Technology provides ‘anonymity’ for the cyber bully. This is really important. The cyber bully is distanced from the victim (no face to face connection), detached from the real word (identity protected) and disinhibited from the harm or hurt being inflicted on the victim. Thus, the cyber bully feels disconnected from the real world and his/her actions.
Technology provides a “huge power differential” between the victim and the bully. The bully is able to effectuate his/her agenda with ease. An expansive audience and limitless victimization reinforce the bullying behavior, and the bully is emboldened because of the lack of accountability and overwhelming factors of reinforcement. Thus, the cyber bully feels empowered.
Research suggests that the main motivations for cyber bullying include:
Revenge or retaliation
Power and control
Cool and fun
Use as a defense mechanism (insecure, angry, jealous, mean)
It is interesting to note that Albert Bandura’s current research suggests that cyber bullying is a behavioral manifestation of the ‘process of moral disengagement,’ largely learned and reinforced by the factors of anonymity and power differential. Group work focusing on the areas of restorative justice, with a heavily embedded empathy component is strongly recommended.
How do you feel a therapist could help a child who is involved in Cyber bullying? Either as a victim or the bully?
Many children take on the roles of both cyber victim and cyber bully (cyber bully victim). It is important to assess for both roles and their involvement in each. During the intake process, it is extremely important to conduct a thorough 5Axis Diagnosis, paying special attention to Axis I – Clinical Disorders. Also, with both victims and bullies, assess for thoughts of suicide and homicide (Duty to Report and Duty to Warn).
Here are three interventions for each.
For a child who is being cyber victimized, remember the 3 “S”:
Safety Net – Implement safety measures and develop a step-by-step plan for the victim who is in danger of harming him/herself or others (victims are more like to carry a weapon than bullies). Pay attention to levels of depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviors. Implement technological safety measures as well. Put a strong ‘net’ around this child!
Support – Believe and validate the child and his/her feelings. Listen, empathize, and develop a support system for the child. Let the victim know that he/she is not alone.
Social Skills Development – Many victims are feeling powerless. Either through individual or group counseling, working on assertive communication and self- empowerment skills is extremely important.
For a child who is cyber bullying, remember the 3 “C’s”:
Consequences –Remember that the goal with the cyber bully is to change the behavior. Research suggests that punishment by itself does not work, nor does solely taking the technology away. There should be appropriate consequences that correlate with degree of severity of bullying. (One exception would be if there is a duty to report given the laws within each community or state.) Making meaningful amends to the victim or acts of restorative justice are highly recommended.
Contract – A Family Online Agreement should be implemented at once with clear guidelines on appropriate use, rules, and expectations. Whether one is in place or not, there are grounds for restricting usage of technology for a designated period of time. During this time, the child must demonstrate accountability and responsibility for his/her behaviors. Frequent monitoring is mandatory.
Counseling – It is extremely important to perform a ‘needs assessment’ with the cyber bully. The motivations for bullying vary widely; and thus, effective interventions do as well. Research suggests that group counseling with an emphasis on empathic skill building is highly successful in reversing bullying behaviors.
Tell about other publications that are available, or that you are working on
Resources on Cyber Bullying:
One of the best online sites for references is Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) – www.fosi.org . There are all kinds of tools, downloads, materials, etc. available for counselors, therapists, educators, and families.
Another excellent reference is Cyber Kids, Cyber Bullying, Cyber Balance (Trolley & Hanel, 2010).
Other Publications by Holli Kenley
The PMS Puzzle: a recovery book based on my own struggle with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace With, a self-help book addressing recovery from all kinds of betrayal.
two e-singles: Betrayal-Proof Your Relationship: What Couples Need to Know and Do
Cyber Bullying no More: Parenting A High Tech Generation.
My newest book is Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back…One Breath at a Time, addressing recovery from any type of relapse.
I conduct workshops about cyber bullying to parents and at educational workshops and at therapeutic/recovery conferences.
Recently, a small group of community members and I participated in a two day Valley Wide Anti-Bullying Outreach Event which will take place August 29th– 30th , 2013 in my hometown of Prescott , AZ. As part of the event, we will screaned the “Bully Movie’ and we had guest speaker Kirk Smalley, whose family was profiled in the movie, speak to several schools and at an open community forum. Mr. Smalley’s organization – Stand For The Silent – is an international movement of change – an outgrowth in remembrance of his son Ty, who took his own life at 11 years old after years of relentless bullying.
I started this interview by saying that cyber bullying (and bullying) is a family issue, a community issue, and a societal issue. Yes, parents must do their part, but so must we all. Thank you Holli for your time and expertise on the important subject of Cyber Bullying. To purchase Cyber Bullying No More, please visit: Amazon.com or other major and independent book sellers. To read more about Holli and her work, please visit her website www.hollikenley.com
Today I was reading my daily devotional from “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” It talked about Jesus as your lifeline and referenced Matthew 14:31. This is a familiar passage for many Christians. Jesus tells the disciples to go ahead of Him in the boat, and then he walks on the water towards the boat. Peter sees Jesus and asks Jesus to tell him to come out. Peter steps out of the boat and begins to walk on the water.
As soon as Peter steps out, he looks around and is distracted by the waves from the storm, becomes afraid and starts to sink. He asks Jesus to save him; Jesus immediately takes his hand and pulls Peter out of the boat and into the water.
This reminds me so much of my life sometimes. I see where Jesus is leading me, either in a job decision, or my family or some area of life. I start to follow Him and come towards Him, but become distracted and afraid by the problems, doubt, worry or stresses of life.
I love that in this passage how as soon as Peter asks for Jesus’ help, Jesus reaches out and pulls Peter out of the water. It was an immediate response by Jesus, and it strengthens me and gives me hope and courage to know that if I do find myself in an area where I must have faith, that I don’t have to be afraid because Jesus is there and pulls me out of the water, calm the storm, and restore the my faith.
“Cyber Bulling No More: Parenting a High Tech Generation,” by, Hollie Kenley is a practical guide for parents to help navigate the issue of cyber bullying with their children, both victims and bullies. You can read my review of her book on Amazon.
The issue of how to teach our children how to be responsible with technology is a hot topic for parents that I work with (and in my own house!), so I know I will be referring parents to this book.
I interviewed Holli and there was so much to say that I have separated it into two posts. Today we will focus on the background of the book, and tips for parents on how to help their children deal with cyber bullying if it occurs.
Tell us about your background.
My first profession was as a middle and high school humanities teacher for almost 30 years. During that time, I returned to graduate school to become a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. I counseled in a faith-based counseling center before moving into private practice. Early on, I was drawn to the areas of abuse, trauma and betrayal, working with both individuals as well as couples. Later on, my work became specialized in the area of sexual abuse recovery.
What inspired you to write Cyber Bullying No More?
As a teacher, I was disturbed by the bullying behaviors that I witnessed at school. With the advancements in technology and the birth of a new type of bullying – cyber bullying – I was shocked by its prevalence and its potency.
In 2006, when I started hearing about young people such as Megan Meier taking their lives because of relentless cyber bullying, I remember saying to myself, “Enough is enough! This must stop!” It was time to action and I wanted to do something to help. And from there, Cyber Bullying No More: Parenting A High Tech Generation(link) was created. It’s all about how to protect and defend your children from this potentially deadly experience.
Who will benefit from this book?
Parents/guardians and children will benefit from this book! I wanted to give busy parents them some straight forward strategies on how to communicate with their children about cyber bullying and how to implement practical steps to safeguard their children.
Educators, counselors, and therapists could also use this book as an educational as well as therapeutic tool with their students, families, and clients.
What age group do you think deals with cyber bullying the most?
Early research indicated that cyber bullying was more prevalent in the middle school years; but a vast majority of the surveys administered were at that grade level. Current research suggests that cyber bullying is problematic at all ages, with an increase correlating with more technological proficiency. Today, it is estimated that one in three children will experience cyber bullying (in some form) during his/her school years. Children with special needs as well as GLTB youth are more highly targeted.
What do you think is the most challenging part for kids involved in cyber bullying? For Parents?
Kids who are being cyber victimized are fearful of reporting because of retaliation. Victims believe that they won’t be believed and that no one will or can do anything about it. So, they won’t tell and continue to be victimized for long periods of time. They show feelings of isolation, fear, and depression. They are often highly anxious and resort to unhealthy behaviors to self- soothe. Out of frustration and fear, it is common for a victim to also take on the role of a cyber bully.
The most challenging part for parents/guardians is that they don’t know what to do or where to begin. In my opinion, they often turn to the schools to fix it out of their own fear and frustration. This can be one step in the process, but it cannot be the only step. Cyber bullying is an epidemic anti-social behavior that becomes a family issue, a community issue, and a societal issue. We must all do our part.
What are your top three tips for parents about how to protect a child from Cyber Bullying?
‘Protect’ is a key word. When I use this word, I am referring to methods that will help ‘safeguard against cyber bullying’. My top three tips for protection are the following:
Implement a “Family Online Safety Contract”. A free download is available at www.fosi.org/resources/html . It is mandatory that parents must begin talking to their children about how to use technology responsibly as early as possible. There is no better way of explaining the rules and expectations about the use of technology than having a written agreement that everyone understands and respects.
Parents must know why they are giving children access to a piece of technology or giving them permission to utilize the technology. Think about their age, what they can handle or not, and go slowly. Let your children demonstrate success and responsibility before giving them more usage and freedoms.
Parents must monitor the use of the technology! No, I am not kidding! Remember, our children can go anywhere in the cyber world at any time. Get to know your children’s Net Neighborhood just as you would their school environment or other social groups. Spend time with them; learn with them; begin to communicate and connect with them about their online life.
A small group of community members and I have been working on a two day Valley Wide Anti-Bullying Outreach Eventwhich will take place August 29th– 30th , 2013 in my hometown of Prescott , AZ. As part of the event, we will be screening the “Bully Movie’ and we will have guest speaker Kirk Smalley, whose family was profiled in the movie, speak to several schools and at an open community forum. Mr. Smalley’s organization – Stand For The Silent – is an international movement of change – an outgrowth in remembrance of his son Ty, who took his own life at 11 years old after years of relentless bullying
The life of a play therapist can be pretty hectic sometimes, especially if you throw in a family, social life, and managing your own problems. These are 5 things that I do that help me to be a better play therapist.
Create a Set Work Schedule
I wake up and each day my schedule is different. I work many after school hours, mainly afternoons and evenings. I set regular hours that I schedule clients to help stay organized and balance between work and family life.
If it’s my first session with a family, I meet with caregivers to identify the main reasons for seeking therapy. I involve parents weekly in sessions to discuss behavior issues, family stressors, child’s progress in therapy, and how to implement changes at home.
Consult with Other Counselors
Sometimes I have been working with a client for a long time, or a child has a particularly complex case. If I am stuck on a case, I seek out another therapist’s perspective to learn new ideas for a case. I have relationships with colleagues and mentors that I trust when I seek out another opinion.
Practice Self Care
I hear troubling stories, from sexual abuse, to neglect, to loss of a loved one. It can sometimes feel exhausting. In order to prevent burnout I participate in activities to relieve stress. I find journaling, being social, reading a novel, watching movies with my husband, going to church on a regular basis, and also writing to help.
I love that I witness children heal everyday, and families change. I use these techniques to remain balanced, focused, and keep the child’s needs first.
How do you survive as a play therapist or in your chosen career? Leave a comment below.
I am currently going through some pretty significant changes in my life, and I never really stopped to allow it all to sink in. I just kept going along with working at full speed, even though these changes are impacting me physically and emotionally. I had this idea that I could just keep things going with no consequences until this week when i began waking up early all by myself, and thinking about work related things at times when I should be resting. That is usually a sign to me that I am in need of some type of change to balance out my life and relieve stress. I struggle with this battle of balance. How do I take care of myself, my family, and my clients to the fullest? Can I really be superwoman and have it all? A career? A family? and Enjoy it? So, I began praying and I asked God to show me how to navigate this path that I am on right now. I always find it interesting how he works. I pray for balance and for rest, and then all of a sudden I have a day (like today!) where all my clients cancelled and so I stayed home and spent time with my son all day, what a blessing it was. It was a reminder to me that if I just stop, and time to take care of myself, I can be refreshed and able to navigate these changes with more energy and clarity.
28 “Come to Me, all [a]who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is[b]easy and My burden is light.”
