by Jill | Sep 16, 2013 | abuse, books, Bullying, Cyber-bullying, Interventions, Techniques
Holli Kenley
Last post I Interviewed Holli Kenley about her book, Cyber Bullying No More, and she gave so many good tips for therapists and parents I decided to write two posts. Today I want to focus on tips for therapists who are working with children and adolescents who have experienced cyber bullying. To read information about how parents can support their kids, visit “Cyber Bullying No More!, Parenting a High Tech Generation” Part 1: Tips for Parents with Holli Kenley.
What are some reasons you think kids use the Internet to bully other kids?
There are two main reasons why cyber bullying is so prevalent.
- Technology provides ‘anonymity’ for the cyber bully. This is really important. The cyber bully is distanced from the victim (no face to face connection), detached from the real word (identity protected) and disinhibited from the harm or hurt being inflicted on the victim. Thus, the cyber bully feels disconnected from the real world and his/her actions.
- Technology provides a “huge power differential” between the victim and the bully. The bully is able to effectuate his/her agenda with ease. An expansive audience and limitless victimization reinforce the bullying behavior, and the bully is emboldened because of the lack of accountability and overwhelming factors of reinforcement. Thus, the cyber bully feels empowered.
Research suggests that the main motivations for cyber bullying include:
- Revenge or retaliation
- Power and control
- Cool and fun
- Use as a defense mechanism (insecure, angry, jealous, mean)
It is interesting to note that Albert Bandura’s current research suggests that cyber bullying is a behavioral manifestation of the ‘process of moral disengagement,’ largely learned and reinforced by the factors of anonymity and power differential. Group work focusing on the areas of restorative justice, with a heavily embedded empathy component is strongly recommended.
How do you feel a therapist could help a child who is involved in Cyber bullying? Either as a victim or the bully?
Many children take on the roles of both cyber victim and cyber bully (cyber bully victim). It is important to assess for both roles and their involvement in each. During the intake process, it is extremely important to conduct a thorough 5Axis Diagnosis, paying special attention to Axis I – Clinical Disorders. Also, with both victims and bullies, assess for thoughts of suicide and homicide (Duty to Report and Duty to Warn).
Here are three interventions for each.
For a child who is being cyber victimized, remember the 3 “S”:
- Safety Net – Implement safety measures and develop a step-by-step plan for the victim who is in danger of harming him/herself or others (victims are more like to carry a weapon than bullies). Pay attention to levels of depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behaviors. Implement technological safety measures as well. Put a strong ‘net’ around this child!
- Support – Believe and validate the child and his/her feelings. Listen, empathize, and develop a support system for the child. Let the victim know that he/she is not alone.
- Social Skills Development – Many victims are feeling powerless. Either through individual or group counseling, working on assertive communication and self- empowerment skills is extremely important.
For a child who is cyber bullying, remember the 3 “C’s”:
- Consequences –Remember that the goal with the cyber bully is to change the behavior. Research suggests that punishment by itself does not work, nor does solely taking the technology away. There should be appropriate consequences that correlate with degree of severity of bullying. (One exception would be if there is a duty to report given the laws within each community or state.) Making meaningful amends to the victim or acts of restorative justice are highly recommended.
- Contract – A Family Online Agreement should be implemented at once with clear guidelines on appropriate use, rules, and expectations. Whether one is in place or not, there are grounds for restricting usage of technology for a designated period of time. During this time, the child must demonstrate accountability and responsibility for his/her behaviors. Frequent monitoring is mandatory.
- Counseling – It is extremely important to perform a ‘needs assessment’ with the cyber bully. The motivations for bullying vary widely; and thus, effective interventions do as well. Research suggests that group counseling with an emphasis on empathic skill building is highly successful in reversing bullying behaviors.
Tell about other publications that are available, or that you are working on
Resources on Cyber Bullying:
- One of the best online sites for references is Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) – www.fosi.org . There are all kinds of tools, downloads, materials, etc. available for counselors, therapists, educators, and families.
- Another excellent reference is Cyber Kids, Cyber Bullying, Cyber Balance (Trolley & Hanel, 2010).
Other Publications by Holli Kenley
- The PMS Puzzle: a recovery book based on my own struggle with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
- Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering The Peace With, a self-help book addressing recovery from all kinds of betrayal.
- two e-singles: Betrayal-Proof Your Relationship: What Couples Need to Know and Do
- Cyber Bullying no More: Parenting A High Tech Generation.
- My newest book is Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back…One Breath at a Time, addressing recovery from any type of relapse.
- I conduct workshops about cyber bullying to parents and at educational workshops and at therapeutic/recovery conferences.
- Recently, a small group of community members and I participated in a two day Valley Wide Anti-Bullying Outreach Event which will take place August 29th– 30th , 2013 in my hometown of Prescott , AZ. As part of the event, we will screaned the “Bully Movie’ and we had guest speaker Kirk Smalley, whose family was profiled in the movie, speak to several schools and at an open community forum. Mr. Smalley’s organization – Stand For The Silent – is an international movement of change – an outgrowth in remembrance of his son Ty, who took his own life at 11 years old after years of relentless bullying.
I started this interview by saying that cyber bullying (and bullying) is a family issue, a community issue, and a societal issue. Yes, parents must do their part, but so must we all. Thank you Holli for your time and expertise on the important subject of Cyber Bullying. To purchase Cyber Bullying No More, please visit: Amazon.com or other major and independent book sellers. To read more about Holli and her work, please visit her website www.hollikenley.com
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by Jill | Oct 19, 2012 | abuse, Activity Books, Anxiety workbook, Association for Play Therapy, Blog, book search, books, Child Therapy, children, children activity books, children self help, children's activity books, children's books, children's self help, counseling, Creative Therapy
Read the Most Recent Review of Sam Feels Better Now! and Interactive Story for Children.
Benefits of Therapy – Sam Feels Better Now! An Interactive Story for Children
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by Jill | Apr 17, 2011 | abuse, Activity Books, Anxiety workbook, Association for Play Therapy, books, Child Therapy, children activity books, children self help, children's activity books, counseling, Creative Therapy, crisis intervention, ebooks, family therapy, fears, grief, interactive, Jill Osborne, Liana Lowenstein, mental health, Play Therapy, Play therapy interventions, Play Therapy Techniques, play therapy workbooks, ptsd treatments, sandtray therapy, Techniques, therapy, trauma, Trauma Therapy, trauma workbooks, workbooks
I am always looking for free or low cost resources, as I am a therapist on a budget (and I am sure there are many of you out there like me!). With so much info on the web it’s hard to narrow down what’s good, what’s not, and how I can find the resources I need for my clients without spending a fortune. That’s why I am soooo glad that I was sent this free copy of Favorite Therapeutic Activities for Children, Adolescents and Families: Practitioners Share their Most Effective Interventions, Edited By Liana Lowenstein, MSW, RSW, CPT-S.
This ebook is a compilation of over 100 pages of techniques submitted by multiple therapists. It is divided in to different sections: 1. Engagement and Assessment Interventions, 2. Treatment Interventions, and 3. Termination Interventions. Each intervention lists goals of the intervention, materials, advanced preparation, and detailed instructions. As I read through some of the descriptions, I found them easy to follow and detailed enough that I felt that I could easily follow the intervention. The list of contributors includes 35 different therapists, many of which are authors/presenters themselves. The best part is, that the interventions come from various treatment models, including family, sandtray, and more directive, and also integrative models. I love this, as I pull from various theories myself, and therapists from different backgrounds will all be able to glean from this book due to the wide range of ideas. I recommend this book to any child/adolescent/family therapist looking for creative ideas for their clients, as it is FREE!!! and FULL of creative interventions. What do you have to lose? I will be using this resource for a long time, and can’t wait to try some of the ideas with my clients.
Liana Lowenstein is a presenter and also author of multiple books including:
1. Paper Dolls & Paper Airplanes: Therapeutic Exercises for Sexually Traumatized Children (with Crisci & Lay)
2. Creative Interventions for Troubled Children & Youth
3. Creative Interventions for Children of Divorce.
4. Creative Interventions for Bereaved Children.
5. NEWEST PUBLICATION: Creative Family Therapy Techniques: Play, Art, and Expressive Activities to Engage Children in Family Sessions
She has edited: Volumes One and Two of Assessment and Treatment Activities for Children, Adolescents, and Families: Practitioners Share Their Most Effective Techniques, and will be launching Volume Three this year.
To sign up for the free ebook, visit Liana Lowenstein’s website and sign up for her free monthly newsletter. You can also view her upcoming workshops.
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by Jill | Apr 14, 2010 | abuse, ptsd, Trauma Recovery, Trauma Recovery Books, Trauma Therapy
Fr Heyward Ewart is the Bishop, Diocese of The Risen Lord, Holy Catholic Charismatic Church, President/Academic Dean, St. James the Elder Theological Seminary, and Professor, American Association of Christian Therapists and Institute of Theology and Christian Therapy: May, 2009 to present
He practices in private counseling ministry from 1981 to present
He has a record of presenting and writing on topics related to child abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse, and substance abuse issues.
His latest book, “Am I Bad,” Is a book outlining various concepts about abuse and trauma.
Give a brief synopsis of your book.
The book postulates that victims of child abuse are destined to be victimized their whole lives. The reason is that abuse, being the strongest form of communication, alters the personality so that the child grows up with a “less than” mentality and a warped image of himself (or herself). Graphic case histories illustrate this point, and a new model of personality development is presented.
Tell me about your inspiration for this book.
My own brutalization as a child plus my experiences as a professional psychotherapist made clear the need for such a work. I have seen that the majority of so-called “mental patients” are abused people trying to adjust. They are reacting to mistreatment. But there is no normal way to react to craziness.
Who will benefit from “Am I Bad?”
The book is intended to set victims free by helping them understand the truth about how they formed their false self image. It is also meant for professionals to help them see how child abuse rapes the soul and to suggest ways to treat the devastation suffered by victims.
What other writing projects are you currently working on?
I write regularly for Ezine.com, and have contributed 41 articles thus far. The subject matter includes articles on child and domestic abuse plus spiritual issues.
What other works have you written?
On the Rock: A Defense of the Catholic Faith (with Vincent A. Capozzi)
A Carnation A Day: A Pro-Life Doctor’s Story
Contributor to Dean Tong’s Elusive Innocence
(The first two are out of print.)
How did you begin writing?
I was an English major as an undergraduate. As a young man, I would read the poetry of Wordsworth, Keats, or Shakespeare, and they would bring me to tears. Writing is an art that has the power to stir the soul. This same art form is perhaps the best way to convict readers in the truth.
Tell about your counseling practice.
I have been a Catholic psychotherapist for nearly 30 years, beginning in Philadelphia. I noticed at the very start of my private practice that I was always treating the “wrong” patient. The family member who shows up for therapy is the one taking the wrap for the dysfunction of the whole family. In time, I realized that nearly all of my patients had been abused in some way and had formed a mangled view of themselves. They had no idea of who they really were or what they might be called to be. This experience led me to the concept of the “adopted self”; that is, the construct formed by other people’s opinions and then the experimentation of adolescence.
Tell about your background as a priest, how do you think it influences your work?
A priest must be in contact with the Ultimate Truth on a daily basis. Knowing that only the truth can set people free from mental bondage demands that I speak and write the truth. I can be very patient with people who are undereducated or uneducated but I have no time for those who refuse to learn or who recklessly disregard the truth.
How do you integrate your faith into your work?
I begin each day with the prayer that I will not be permitted to minister to anyone without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I maintain that no one can understand the soul (mind)of another human being without the direct help of the Holy Spirit. Giving a person a psychological test is like trying to measure the universe with a ruler.
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by Jill | May 19, 2008 | abuse, Child Therapy, children, domestic violence, natural disasters, Play Therapy, trauma, trauma workbooks
I have had many questions about my book, Sam Feels Better Now, over the past few months. Who is it for? Is it for parents? Is it for therapists? Is it for the child to read? People want to know how this book will make the most impact on a child’s life. It is the intention of this book to be a tool for therapists, and other adults who may be working with children who have experienced a variety of issues. These issues include experiencing a crisis, traumatic event, or grief. Sam’s character experiences something scary or awful, and it is intentionally left up to the reader to define what that is. That way, children who experience many different situations can relate to Sam’s character. Examples of children who will benefit are those who have experienced abuse, domestic violence, natural disasters, or car accidents. Therapists and caregivers may find this book useful for other situations children experience that are not listed here.
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