by Jill | Aug 26, 2016 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, changes, small business, stress management, Therapist Self Care, Uncertainty
Making a Change:
Since last year I’ve been working on a lot of goals. I opened a business and started working with supervisees for the first time. I’m putting myself out there as a trainer/speaker for the first time. First, first, first.
Adding these responsibilities have really stretched me and challenged me in a lot of ways. I’m learning to experience the emotions that come with owning something with your name on it. I am by no means an expert at business, but I like the challenge and I’m learning as I go. I was looking to grow and change and challenge myself. I’m accomplishing just that, and in the process I’ve done a lot of new things I’ve never done before. It’s a very exciting time for me.
The Challenge of Uncertainty
On the other side of taking these steps to obtain my goals in the counseling field comes a lot of uncertainty. Financial uncertainty, will I have enough clients, will supervisees come to see me, and what if I work months on a training and no one shows up? Fear of failure and the unknown can easily creep in.
The thing is, change and uncertainty are very challenging for me, and probably for many others. I tend to like plans and to know what’s next. Those that know me know how scheduled I am and how I like to plan my life way in advance. Business challenges that for me on so many levels. I’m very loyal and dedicated and I will drag out a tough situation that’s not great just to avoid the change and stay in my comfort zone. On the positive, this makes me a very loyal and consistent person and I’m great at commitment, but if I don’t keep myself in check I will continue a sometimes difficult or not good for me but good for them situation, or get stuck in the mundane.
It’s Not Just Me!
I’ve noticed some of the same challenges with change and uncertainty with people that I work with. Either they hit a new milestone in their career, like getting their license and begin to explore their options, or they’ve decided to change the way they are doing something in their home or work life and dealing with the ambivalence that can sometimes follow the decision to make a change.
I read this morning on one of my favorite websites “Unstuck.com” that our brains see uncertainty as a challenge. That we try to make up something certain in our minds to deal with the uncertainty because we are wired to survive that way. This makes since in a survival situation, but it can sometimes be a stumbling block to a positive change. People tent to have trouble seeing past the ambiguity to the other side of the change. It takes a greater payout on the other end for people to walk through the uncertainty.
So Now What?
I was talking with someone I trust yesterday about some of the uncertainty I’m experiencing right now and she asked me how could I view uncertainty differently, rather than a threat? Or a fear? Well, here’s what I’ve come up with:
- Change is certain.
- Change is sometimes necessary.
- View it as an opportunity to be creative with your life.
- Write out the positives of the end goals.
- Practice self-care rituals to deal with the emotions of the change.
- Lean on your support, your tribe, or who ever you go to for accountability and
- Practice your faith and trust in you God, and also yourself to make the right steps.
- Focus on the next step right in front of you, (Thank you Oprah for this one!)
- Focus on the Process not the outcome (thanks Marie Forleo!)
- Look at the ambiguity and uncertainty not as a threat, but as an opportunity to be creative and make some tough decisions.
How do you deal with change and uncertainty? Leave a comment below and share with your friends.
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by Jill | Jan 1, 2013 | changes, counseling, Faith, family therapy, google, grief, mental health, relaxation, self esteem, self help, stress management, thinking, Uncategorized, writing
I don’t know about you, but for me the end of a year and the beginning of a new one always has a feeling of relief for me. I love the idea of a new, fresh start and starting over. The past year for me has been full of ups and downs, and a lot of personal stress. But at the same time, there are many blessings in my life. If I look back this year, I can see where God has really come through for me and my family. I love the hope that a new year brings. I believe that this year will be better than last year, and that God will continue to teach me how to trust Him in my life.
Here are 10 things that I am going to do this year to make life more stress free take these ideas and also add your own in the comments:
1. Say no to at least one project a week.
2. Reduce the amount of caffeine and sugar I consume.
3. Plan at least one date night a month with my husband.
4. Plan more time with my girlfriends.
5. Schedule in at least one morning a week for writing and business planning.
6. Pay down debt.
7. Say what I am thankful for everyday because God supplies all me needs and provides for me every day.
8. Read more for pleasure.
9. Read a good Bible study or join a Bible study group.
10. Give up trying to plan every little detail of my life and allow God to work things out.
Verses that Spoke to Me this Week:
This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
The Message (MSG)
5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
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by Jill | Nov 3, 2012 | Blog, changes, counseling, Faith, fears, google, Jill Osborne, loss, mental health business, private practice, relaxation, scared, small business, stress management, thinking, trauma, Uncategorized
What’s chronic, repetitive, or inflamed in your inner or outer life?
This burning question is personal. There are many things I could say about it. The past year or so of my life have brought out a lot of hurt, joy, tears, laughter, many mixed emotions. Most recently I took on some opportunities in my life that reminded my of the things that I left, and inflamed a lot of mixed emotions, distrust and confusion. Confusion about what God’s will is for my life right now, how to decide if an opporunity is one that Is from God, or just a distraction from what His will actually is in my life. And me,being stubborn would rather take an opportunity and then stress about how to get out of it rather than saving myself the heartache and stress and trusting the path that I believe God has put me on. The repetitive is the constant battle to trust the process, and my practical mind, the need for certainty and to provide for my family financially vs. patience, trust and hearing the whispers of the Holy Spirit in my heart leading me, allowing God to unfold his will for my life openly without reservations. The balance between the “busy syndrome” that often accompanies the profession of counseling, the need to pour out compassion everywhere, and the need for self care and rejuvenation. It is a constant battle and conflict for me, and left unchecked can lead me to stubborn slips of faith. It reminds me of Peter, when he sees Jesus walking on the water towards the boat, he takes one step out, and begins walking towards His Savior, and then loses his focus off Jesus and focuses on the storm, then fear sets in and he falls into the stormy waters. There are several things that I love about this picture. One: Peter has the faith to get out of the boat, and two, Jesus is right there pulling Peter out of the water to bring him back to safety and into the boat. It reminds me that I don’t have to fear, that I can take the steps of faith that are presented to me, and that when I fail Jesus is there to rescue me and bring me back to safety, and showing me that I can Trust Him and His will and place in my life.
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by Jill | Jun 7, 2010 | changes, Child Therapy, children self help, children's books, ebooks, moving, parents, teachers
“Snotty Kid. Be Gone!”
“Young Ruthie’s mood changed overnight, her smiles slunk off in gloom.
She wouldn’t talk to Mom or Dad. She refused to leave her room.
Her parents scolded, begged and coaxed, but Ruthie paid no mind,
Her moods grew big and ugly – like some Hippo’s fat behind.”
At the end of my first read through, of “Ruthie and the Hippo’s Fat Behind,” by Margot Finke, I thought “this is perfect for so many of my kids!”
When Ruthie moved, and left all her friends and old home behind her personality and moods completely changed. She sulked, and became rude to her parents, argued, and had tantrums. Finally, she drove her parents crazy and her father said, “Snotty Kid. Be Gone!” Then, she had a Magic Moment that helped her reconcile with her parents. It ends on a positive note, and Ruthie feels happier.
Changes can affect children in many ways, especially a move far away from friends. Ruthie’s story is like so many children who deal with changes in every day life, and often parents become frustrated themselves. Ruthie and the Hippo’s Fat Behind, by Margot Finke, Illustrated by K.C. Snider, is a light hearted, realistic look at how children often express their emotions. The rhyming feels comfortable to read, and the story has a good pace. It kept my attention throughout. There is a short teacher/parent guide in the back to help adults talk to children about their feelings and also other resources for parents.
Many children who are angry, going through change or a move of any kind would benefit from this story. Ruthie captures these feelings on many levels, including showing anger through arguing and tantrums, and also sulking and feeling bad about herself. As a child therapist, I see many children go through lots of changes and reflect behaviors and emotions like Ruthie. I would recommend this book therapists and parents alike for any child going through change.
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