I looked at my schedule and I asked, “what did I do to myself.” It was the week before Christmas and I looked at my calendar and realized I crammed as many client appointments as I could all week, supervision appointments, all after a full training day the week before and amidst all the holiday to dos that weren’t yet done.
Man did I feel overwhelmed. I forgot the white space. You know, the space between clients to get my documentation done, the time to wrap up loose ends from training day, pay taxes, all the fun stuff.
I worked so long last week (training week which always adds more to dos’) that my 4 year old daughter asked me, “mommy does your work close?”
Oops. I overscheduled myself again. I felt guilty about it most of the week because I miss my kids and this time of year you plan holiday activities (our holiday pancakes with Santa was kind of a bust because 4 year old cried the whole time because she had an ear infection).
I know what I was thinking when I scheduled it all. I was thinking that I needed the money and my clients needed me. Feelings like I wanted to please others and not disappoint anyone by making them wait until January for an appointment.
On the other end of it, I prayed for this. I prayed for full client load, a growing training and supervision business, and to expand myself. Growing pains.
I think this kind of thing ebbs and flows for me. I go from not busy enough and broke to overdoing it. But I kind of feel like our business, the counseling business is like that. Ebb and flow. Busy and not busy. The trick for me is, I think, is noticing when it gets too much and pulling back and making necessary adjustments, sticking to boundaries, assisting clients to move along that are ready for discharge, etc.… and stop being so hard on myself when it starts to take over and run into family life, but just to make the changes I need to make.
Sometimes that advice is easy to say, but takes a TON of courage to pull off. I have had to work very hard at setting boundaries in general and it doesn’t come easy to me. I am really blessed right now when I think about it. To have enough work that I need to pull back and set boundaries in my daily schedule, time to breathe, time to write, and time to create.
Gratitude for it helps. Gratitude and making small adjustments along the way to tweak the overworked schedule into something more balanced. I’m thankful.
How do you manage your schedule when it becomes insane? Leave a comment below with your tips. Thanks!
Recently I witnessed one of my closest friends giver her testimony in front of her church. She talked about how she struggled with some things and how God has used that in her life to help others (she is also a therapist). It took a lot of courage for her to be vulnerable, even with people she knew were supportive and loving in her life. I am thankful I was there to support her.
It got me thinking on the way home about some things.
I used to believe that as a therapist I’m supposed to have it all together all the time. We are taught as therapists to have a professional distance from our clients. We are to limit our self-disclosure with clients about our own struggles. While these limitations are certainly helpful and ethical in the professional setting so that we can be objective with our clients,(because there is nothing worse than dumping your own junk onto your clients) there is a danger that this distance can carry over into the rest of our relationships and become a protective façade that we have it all together all the time. In the beginning of my career somewhere I allowed that lie into my life, and learned how to put on a good face, and somehow believed that when I am vulnerable with my emotions that somehow I am weak. I believed that I have to pretend that I have it all together all the time.
The truth is, therapists are people who hurt and go through things just like everyone else. I have been seeing my own therapist for almost 8 years now to deal with my own work/life balance, anxieties and times when I’ve hit burnout. The more I meet with people, work with my clients, supervisees and talk to colleagues, I believe now that there is a purpose for our challenges, whether that purpose is revealed to us or not. God will use them to work through us for the good of others and ourselves.
It’s never without a purpose. That’s why I believe being vulnerable with others about our struggles is so healing. I could see the hope, joy, and peace in my friend’s face as she took the courage to share, and how the façade came down in her life and she could be vulnerable with others. It was freeing.
For more information on being vulnerable, watch Dr. Brene Brown’s Ted talk on her vulnerability research.
An affectionate couple sitting on the beach alongside copyspace during a pretty sunset
I was prompted this week by a situation to share my experience at a time early in my career when I was struggling with burnout. I hope you find it helpful.
I began working with children who are traumatized as an intern during my graduate school program in 2005. I was working a full time job at a mental health agency with severe mentally ill adults while attempting to maintain a 20-30 hour a week internship at a domestic violence shelter. I was burning the candle at both ends. Before I knew it I was losing sleep, not eating regularly, and I had constant thoughts about clients I was serving, including a feelings of guilt over a difficult client situation at my job.
I didn’t notice it in the beginning. It didn’t start right a way. It was more of a gradual progression of overwork, and attempting to balance everything on my own. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t understand the signs that I was burning out on my own.
I didn’t know what I didn’t know. It wasn’t my fault. I don’t remember it being talked about a lot in my graduate school classes at the time (I hope things have changed). It happened because I was new to the field still, and also because it wasn’t talked about and it had begun to feel almost normal to me.
It wasn’t until a supervisor of mine returned from some time off and sat down with me and told me to seek my own therapy that I realized how stressed out I was and that I needed to make some changes. She was kind, honest, and identified the signs that I was burning out. I will never forget that. I will always value that.
How did I know I was burning out?
Less sleep
Constant thoughts and memories of a specific situation
Feelings of guilt
Feelings of sadness
Feeling stuck like I couldn’t change anything
Withdrawing from others
Crying easily
Feeling isolated
Thinking I had to figure everything out on my own
Not participating in enjoyable activities
Finding it difficult to relax
I am sure there are more signs others could add to this list. This is not exhaustive. But that was my experience at the time.
Thanks to that experience with my supervisor (and the therapy that followed that meeting) I have since learned how to tell I’m burning out and overworked, and when I need to takes extra steps to care for myself.
I now realize that I am not alone in some of the feelings I was having (stress, frustration, feeling stuck, sadness). And I take extra care to surround myself with supportive people in our field and outside our field that I can be honest with and that will be honest with me and hold me accountable to care for myself, go easy on myself, and have empathy for myself when I feel this way.
There are several things that I do to prevent and/or manage feelings of stress and burnout:
Be honest about the stress that sometimes comes with our profession and the client content we witness everyday
My faith, prayer and spiritual support from my relationship with God;
A strong social support system, friends, family, my husband;
Seeking outside of the agency supervision or consultation;
Participating in my own therapy;
Making time to unwind and de-compress from work;
Writing and blogging;
Reading about successful, healthy businesses and their practices and therapists;
Finding the right time to be emotional and allowing the feelings I had to be there;
Focusing on what is best for my clients;
Maintaining my ethics and professionalism even when things felt fuzzy or grey;
Recognizing what I do and do not have control over; and,
Knowing when it was time to take a break
Taking responsibility for what is mine, and not taking responsibility for other people’s choices.
Reading about self-care
Trying new ways to relax
Taking time off when needed
Setting short and long term goals (for career and other areas of my life)
Journaling
Art (making it and enjoying other’s art).
I am also thankful for the many things I learn about myself through this job.
Have a variety of clients to vary my day
Being genuine with others
Listening to the people I trust the most when they tell me to slow down (this is sometimes hard to do)
How can you support a colleague who may be going through a difficult time or dealing with burnout?
Be available.
Be honest (with love) about your concerns.
Be empathetic
Offer support and referrals if necessary.
Invite them to something fun outside of work (dinner, girls weekend, lunch, or even out for coffee)
Send an encouraging note, email or Facebook post.
Can you think of other ways you can support a struggling colleague?
Let’s share in the comments below section and support each other
If you are a therapist struggling with your work and would like support please visit the Self Care for Therapist Network for information and articles.
I also offer individual and group supervision for play therapists and those seeking licensure as a professional counselor and a FREE Play Therapist Consultation Group for Licensed Mental Health Practitioners who are advanced play therapists. If you are not already in supervision please contact me to make an appointment and have supervision as part of your self-care plan
