by Jill | Aug 28, 2020 | Anxiety, Becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor, Burnout prevention, Coping with Burnout, Counseling Ethics, Counseling Supervision, crisis intervention, Faith, fears, Finding Peace, mental health, mental health business, Play Therapist Self Care, Play Therapy, Play Therapy Ethics, Play Therapy Supervision, private practice, relaxation, self care, self esteem, self help, stress management, Therapist Self Care
Wow, What a year 2020 is turning out to be. So many ups and downs in the world, our country, our families and our emotions.
Between juggling the changes I’ve made due to COVID19 both in business, with clients and my own family it certainly is an emotional roller coaster. I feels like finding sanity and peace are so far away some days. I could make a list of “how to’s” to self care, or “how to parent during a pandemic” or “how to keep from going insane with all the cancellations and changes.” But it just doesn’t seem to say enough to me. I have found myself making changes I’ve never thought I’d face. From cleaning, to masking, from the telehealth maze there are so many shifts.
If you’re like me you started off hopeful that we could get through this, and there are many days I feel that way. It’s like I am choosing between being grateful and finding purpose in the problem and feeling anger, sadness and fear over seeing my clients, supervises and loved ones try to shift their own priorities and face layoffs, office closures and health issues.
What really has helped me to move through this without completely losing my mind (most days) are my faith, my friends, my family and taking each day and each issue one at the time, and yes seeking out my own therapy.
Most people know me know that I’m pretty open about the fact that as a therapist I find it crucial to go through my own therapy from time to time. It helps relieve burnout, compassion fatigue and also manage the difficult emotions that sometimes occur when faced with the reality of the trauma my clients face. And at the end of the day I feel like I’m asking others to engage in therapy so why not myself?
I will never forget when I was a newer therapist being encouraged to start attending myself. I am thankful for that nudge. There is no shame, no guilt and no it does not mean you are weak if you ask for help.
If you are struggling right now I encourage you to find support for yourself. Here are some signs that you may need to seek your own therapeutic support:
Common signs of chronic stress:
- irritable/angry, nervous/anxious, lack of interest/motivation, fatigue, overwhelmed, depressed/sad
- Feeling lack of control, guilt,
- Constant thoughts of a situation that won’t go away
- Withdrawing from others
- Tearfulness
- Not participating in enjoyable activities
- Finding it difficult to relax
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by Jill | Sep 18, 2017 | Anxiety, Boundaries, Burnout prevention, Faith, self care, Therapist Self Care
It’s the day after a medical procedure and I’m still recovering. I have some help the day of but then I’m up and driving around the next day. I feel 75% myself, just sore. It’s been difficult to get rest and entertain my kids and get ready for my birthday party next week. And even though I gave everyone at work notice, it seems I still get client calls and messages. My brain got overwhelmed, and I found myself in a mood. You know the one. The one where I NEED to take care of myself physically and mentally but I can’t seem to turn off the thoughts. Thoughts of the to-do’s, thoughts of cases I need to address, and thoughts of the pressure I’ve felt the last few months. The overwhelm had sunken in and I caught myself spreading myself too thin.
How do I stop when my body is saying stop, slow down, but my mind says, go-go-go? I tried all the tricks, avoiding, talking to my hubby, trying to focus on the here and now, and even giving into some of the to do’s. All signs that I need to put on the breaks and re-adjust some parts of my life so that I can take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It’s crunch time. It feels like forever, but it’s not. There will be an end. Boundaries will be set, and space will be made where it needs to be.
It’s time to focus on what’s in front of me, the little people in my life, my faith, and my family. Serving others is most of what I do and there comes a point where it can overtake your life if you’re not paying attention, and I have to pull back some places and set more boundaries. Allow others help, to take over parts of my to do list (or trim it), and allow others to adjust around me rather than myself adjusting to them all the time. It’s a difficult shift for me. I tend to want to please others, and I’m hard on myself when I say no or if I can’t make everyone happy. I allow false guilt to set in if I’m not paying attention to my thoughts. But the truth is, I will never make everyone happy all the time I am not their source of happiness or healing. I am not the answer to all their problems. I am only a vessel that God allows to work through me. Boundaries allow God to work through me and teach others to rely on Him and to open doors for them. Sometimes my saying no and setting boundaries is leaving space for God to work in someone else’s life just as much as giving Him space to work in mine. It’s a freeing experience, really, to say no to something or set a boundary somewhere because it helps guide you to your goals, so you can let go of the things you need to.
What do you need to let go of when you find yourself needing to slow down? Leave a comment below and let’s support each other’s boundaries.
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by Jill | Feb 24, 2016 | Faith, private practice, small business, Uncertainty
Sometimes you plan things. Big plans. Life changes, opening a business, starting a relationship, going out with your girlfriends, anything. You get excited about it, you think, “Thank the Lord! Look at how He’s blessing my life” when things start going well. Then you have one of those weeks, cancellations, bad news, a tough client week or whatever the case. I feel disappointment, if I’m honest with myself, and some confusion too.
So how do I turn this around? I want to give up, but that’s not the answer. I want to drag my appointments in the door by their hair. No, that won’t work either. I want to blame someone, myself, others, the universe.
Then I feel like, what is the world telling me? Am I really ready for this? Did the Lord really tell me to do this? Doubts. Big Hairy DOUBTS. I’ve poured hours, money, sweat, tears, time, you name it into this venture. I look into the face of uncertainty. I can’t stop now I’m too far in.
I get down on my knees and give my worries to the Lord, my God. That’s my first step. I allow the tears. I allow the mixed emotions. But when I give it over to the Lord, I know He has no doubts. He will bring the people that need what I have to offer. He will provide. He’s proved it to me time and time again. When I left an agency job broken and torn, He healed me, when I had nothing He provided my needs. He gave me support and all I need. He won’t let me down. People will. Money will. Position will. Things will all let me down. But He won’t.
I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them.
Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the lord is finished correctly.
Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”
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Look! He has placed the land in front of you. Go and occupy it as the lord, the God of your ancestors, has promised you. Don’t be afraid! Don’t be discouraged!’
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Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Public Reading of the Book of Instruction
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This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua’s Charge to the Israelites
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Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
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by Jill | Oct 7, 2013 | crisis, Faith, grief, loss, Uncategorized
I recently experienced the death of a supervisor that I respect and care about a lot. I never thought that when I walked into Haven House as a counseling intern that it would lead to a successful career of helping and caring for hurting children. I feel sad about the loss, and find myself experiencing similar feelings of grief that I help my clients work through every day. Grief doesn’t feel good. It’s many feelings rolled into one. It’s a process that i know if I ignore it will leave me stuck.
It has me asking questions that many people ask. For example, a friend of mine posted on Facebook the other day about why a God that is good and loving allows troubles in our lives and in the world. Why did a wonderful lady like my supervisor go through the pain, suffering and death that she did? Why, did a God with unlimited power to heal her illness allow her to die when she did? There are so many different answers one can get from that question. Why?
While I will not know the complete answer to the question about why do people hurt, experience pain and evil in the world, I can go to the words of Jesus for comfort.
1. He knew what grief felt like.
John 11:33-36
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?”he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
2. He overcame the world.
John 16:33
New International Version (NIV)
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
3. You can also look at Jeremiah and what God told him about the suffering and persecution he was facing.
Jeremiah 12:5-6 The Message
“So, Jeremiah, if you’re worn out in this footrace with men,what makes you think you can race against horses?And if you can’t keep your wits during times of calm,what’s going to happen when troubles break loose like the Jordan in flood?Those closest to you, your own brothers and cousins,are working against you.They’re out to get you. They’ll stop at nothing.Don’t trust them, especially when they’re smiling.John 16:33
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by Jill | Sep 12, 2013 | afraid, Faith, fears, Finding Peace, scared, Uncategorized
Today I was reading my daily devotional from “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” It talked about Jesus as your lifeline and referenced Matthew 14:31. This is a familiar passage for many Christians. Jesus tells the disciples to go ahead of Him in the boat, and then he walks on the water towards the boat. Peter sees Jesus and asks Jesus to tell him to come out. Peter steps out of the boat and begins to walk on the water.
As soon as Peter steps out, he looks around and is distracted by the waves from the storm, becomes afraid and starts to sink. He asks Jesus to save him; Jesus immediately takes his hand and pulls Peter out of the boat and into the water.
This reminds me so much of my life sometimes. I see where Jesus is leading me, either in a job decision, or my family or some area of life. I start to follow Him and come towards Him, but become distracted and afraid by the problems, doubt, worry or stresses of life.
I love that in this passage how as soon as Peter asks for Jesus’ help, Jesus reaches out and pulls Peter out of the water. It was an immediate response by Jesus, and it strengthens me and gives me hope and courage to know that if I do find myself in an area where I must have faith, that I don’t have to be afraid because Jesus is there and pulls me out of the water, calm the storm, and restore the my faith.
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by Jill | Jan 1, 2013 | changes, counseling, Faith, family therapy, google, grief, mental health, relaxation, self esteem, self help, stress management, thinking, Uncategorized, writing
I don’t know about you, but for me the end of a year and the beginning of a new one always has a feeling of relief for me. I love the idea of a new, fresh start and starting over. The past year for me has been full of ups and downs, and a lot of personal stress. But at the same time, there are many blessings in my life. If I look back this year, I can see where God has really come through for me and my family. I love the hope that a new year brings. I believe that this year will be better than last year, and that God will continue to teach me how to trust Him in my life.
Here are 10 things that I am going to do this year to make life more stress free take these ideas and also add your own in the comments:
1. Say no to at least one project a week.
2. Reduce the amount of caffeine and sugar I consume.
3. Plan at least one date night a month with my husband.
4. Plan more time with my girlfriends.
5. Schedule in at least one morning a week for writing and business planning.
6. Pay down debt.
7. Say what I am thankful for everyday because God supplies all me needs and provides for me every day.
8. Read more for pleasure.
9. Read a good Bible study or join a Bible study group.
10. Give up trying to plan every little detail of my life and allow God to work things out.
Verses that Spoke to Me this Week:
This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
The Message (MSG)
5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson
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